THE LEGACY OF A RIGHTOUS SOUL / JAY STILLMAN (HUSBAND)
Delivered at her funeral on December 20, 2004, in Efrat, Israel.
Whoever met Vikki was touched by her warmth and kindness, and she had many friends. She left her home, her family, her country, and her faith, and embraced Judiasm wholeheartedly. When Vikki cast her lot with the Jewish people, she not only accepted upon herself Torah, she joined all of you here in the land of Israel. You can imagine what a colassal move this was for her. She was not unlike our matriarch, Sarah, who like Avraham, also fullfilled the command of Lech Lecha. Vikki made a special place for herself in our community. She was kind and generous. She truely cared about others, even strangers, and she deeply felt their pain. Vikki always knew just what to say, and what not to say. Her boys from baseball she loved dearly, she built their self esteem like she would her own. She gave to the people of Israel three lovely children, and instilled within them her attributes. What most impresses me about Vikki, and what she taught us all, was how to fight for life with all her heart, her soul, and her might, and when she must, how to meet death courageously, with dignity. She withstood great trials without complaint, she was always optimistic, and never lost hope. She showed her family how to face inevitable death with dignity and courage. It is said that a soul departs this world and returns to God when it completes the mission for which it was sent. Vikki completed her mission with great success, and she has now returned to take her place near God. She is an eternal inspiration to me, to her children, and to her friends.
IM STIITING HERE IN FRONT OF MY COMPUTER AFTER MY 18TH BIRTHDAY, AND MICHALS FIRST BORN SON, AND NATAN IS ALREADY 21. YOUR MOM AND DAD ARE BOTH DEAD, AND YOUR BROTHER IS LEFT ALONE. WE ARE ABOUT TO REACH THE FOURTH YEAR IN THIS WORLD WITHOUT YOU.
AND IT HAS NEVER HEART LIKE THIS.
I CANT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I HAD TROUBLE TYPING OVER THE TEARS.
ON MICHALS SON BRITT, I REALIZED SOMETHING.
WHEN I WATCHED MY DAD HOLD THE BABE AND HE WAS WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES HOLDING HIMSELLF.
I KNOW THOSE WERE MIXED TEARS.
ONE OF JOY OF HOLDING HIS FIRST GRANDSON,
TWO WAS THE THOUGHT OF YOU NOT HERE TO HOLD HIM TO.
AND I NEVER FELT SUCH A SLAM TO THE HEART, LIKE IT WAS FROM A SLEDGEHAMMER.
AND THAT WHERE IT TAKES ME BACK TO THE FOURTH YEAR WE ARE COMING UP TO,
BECOUSE EVERY YEAR YOUR LIGHT SHINES ON MY SOUL AND ENLIGHTS ME IN A DIFERRENT WAY.
THIS YEAR YOUR MAKING ME REALIZE HOW IM REALLY NEVER GOING TO MEET YOU AGIAN IN THE WAY I WANT TO.
AND IM STARTING TO GIVE IN TO THAT CRULE COLD REALITY.
AND THAT I JUST HAVE TO LEARN FROM YOU, IF YOU WERE ABLE TO KEEP A SMILE ON YOUR FACE FOR FOUR YEARS GOING THROUGH WHAT YOUVE GONE THROUGH, AND STILL LEAVE THE GAME WITH THAT SAME SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
As I stare at your tomb, And my siblings' heavy, endless, tears warm my eyes, I stare at the words that define your life.
I seek for meaning to live my life, But all I see is the pain I keep inside. I understand that you had to leave, I understand that we have to end the grief.
As hard as it sounds, It's even harder when it's real, And that's just a cold taste of life as it is.
EPIPHANY
THE THOUGHT OF YOU LEFT TO DIE, THE THOUGHT OF US LEFT BEHIND, THE THOUGHT OF OUR KIDS LEFT TO HEAR OR SEE, NOTHING BUT PICTURES AND MEMORIES.
NOW THAT ITS BEEN THREE PAINFUL YEARS, IT FEELS LIKE ITS BEEN THREE CENTURY'S.
IM SORRY I DIDN’T GET TO SAY GOODBYE, I WAS SO YOUNG, I DIDN’T REALIZE, HOW MUCH THAT GOODBYE MEENS TO MY LIFE, BUT NOW THAT IM HERE, AND EVERYTHINGS CLEAR, I MUST TAKE COMFORT IN THAT YOUR LISTENING HERE.
we miss you ema! / Gabi Stillman (son)
its been almost three years since you past and i hoped it would get easier here without u in time and even though i keep geting stronger it keeps getting harder.i wish u could meet the poeple we have become im back in school natan has made a turning point and michal is happily married to elimelech.if u would just meet him you would fall in love with him. we wish you were here! i get these dreams often that u have come back and it feels so reall that when i wake up it takes me a few minuets to realize that it was just a dream and it going to be a while before i see you again. that hearts more then everything! it hearts even more ever since grumps passed thinkin and with grandma beeing sick and steves heart attack i kills me to see your family fall aprt this way! im flying to the states in a week and a half to see everyone. natan is already there. having thanks giving with grandma steve and justin. i wish i could be there too! enyways if i dont stop wrighting now i never will! love you forever dearly!... your baby! goobs Close
So Very Sorry for Your Loss / Melissa Eiler (Visitor~Daughter of Irwin & Renee Eiler )Read >>
So Very Sorry for Your Loss / Melissa Eiler (Visitor~Daughter of Irwin & Renee Eiler )
Sad Birthday / Billie Shirk (Mother)
Today would have been a celebration of your 50th birthday and it is such a sad day of memories. You were always a loving and caring daughter. Your death left a hole in my heart that will never get smaller or go away. Jay, Natan and Gabi were here to visit during the summer and they are growing into very nice guys. Michal was here in the fall and it was a treat to be with her again. Vikki you were a wonderful mother. I miss you so much my darling daughter. Mama Close
Missing You / Steve Shirk (Brother)
It has been nine months since you left us. Everytime you cross my mind I am figuartively brought to my knees. I simply cannot believe I will never see you again. I sometimes even forget and start to send you an email. Lori Rose is very ill and when Randall called me, one of my first thoughts was to tell you about it. I miss you very much and if time makes that easier, as is the widespread belief, I can certainly tell no difference. When someone who never knew you asks me about my sister is Israel, it is the most difficult thing I can imagine to have to tell them you are no longer with us. When one of the people we both know asks about you, it is beyond imagination and I can never stop the tears from welling up in my eyes.
our deepest condolences/ Arlene Rose-Pukach (friend)
To Jay, Michal, Natan and Gabi and family, Yaron and I send our deepest condolences to yall on your tragic loss. Although we have lost touch with each other over the years, I have fond memories of your coming to Netanya to check out things prior to your aliyah and helping yall get settled in there. I remember with a sad smile how wonderful it was for me to hear Vikki't great southern drawl and it took me back to a journey on memory lane. To this day, Vikki's chocolate cookies share a special place in my baking repertoire. Vikki was a wonderful, vibrant woman, a loving and loved wife mother and friend and she will be sadly missed by all who were blessed to share their lives with her. Mostly, her beautiful family, will feel this loss so deeply. I hope your lives are strengthened by knowing others share in your loss and wish you all the strength and faith to continue living your lives as Vikki would have wanted you to. Yehiyeh zichronah baruch. Arlene and Yaron Pukach, Kfar Yona, Israel (formerly of Nashville, Tn, ) Close
Friends/ Jack Fleischer (Friend)
It is so hard to pen the words that even come close to expressing my true love for Vikki. My heart has been there and my mind has been constantly reflecting on past experiences. A dear friend that I have always cherished and am glad that I had the pleasure of her friendship in my life. My memory goes first to that of Highland Crest Drive. The place a true bond was formed. Oh the many pleasurable memories when we would just hang out in the basement or the back yard talking the day and nights away just enjoying each other's company, kids and the pets. Vikki always had a viewpoint to all the issues discussed. I grew to gain total respect for her thoughts and would always have interest in her views. Those times are still dear in my memories of Jay and Vikki. Their alliya to Israel left Daniella and I without two of our best friends. Gone in a whirlwind, Daniella and I had to go visit. That trip to Israel sealed many other memories that I hold dear today. We had the best visit. We felt so comfortable with the red carpet rolled out. Vikki was right at home in her new home. We could see that. I will never forget Vikki standing in a parking space fending offanother would be Israeli parker so that we could park. We went everywhere. Our loss was Israel's' gain. Vikki was opinionated, smart, friendly, loving, aggressive, beautiful, devoted, a fabulous mother, and wife and was my friend. I do regret that we have not been with you guys these past years. It has been our loss. I will always feel a loss in my mind and heart for Vikki. She was special and will be missed. My love and support always to you and yours Jay. We love you. Close
So sad to hear/ Regina(Susie) Holt Clements (classmate)
I went to Alpha and West high with Vickie.I was sorry to hear of her passing at such an early age.My heart goes out to her family.I lost my brother Steve Holt when he was 46 to a rare disease and know first hand it isn't easy on the ones left behind.I am sure she will be missed for a long time to come. Close
to the many kind and thoughtful friends and family of nashville and middle tennessee, i extend
to you, on behalf of myself and my children, our deepest appreciation and gratitude for your kindness and thoughtfulness during these most difficult and agonizing times due to the untimely loss of our beloved wife and mother, vikki. she endured her suffering, and accepted her fate with dignity and honor. she taught us how to live each day thankful to Hashem, always giving to others, her family, her friends, and even people in need she hardly knew. all of us who were near her this past year felt her fortitude, love and warmth for everyone in need, everyone suffering. her boundless care and giving left us the inspiration so desperately needed to endure our loss and her loss. your donations to many worthy causes, will help many people in need, and from this we derive great comfort.
below is a web site link to a memorial of vikki, a testiment to what she meant to those who knew her. feel free to contribute your thoughts or memories of vikki, they will be cherished by us all our lives.
once again, thank you for your kindness, your deeds really do make a difference in this world we can't understand, and in the final analysis, our deeds throughout our life are all that really matter.
address at gravesite upon the unveiling/ Menachem Schrader (friend)
I will always remember Vicki with her wry, mischievous smile. At this time I would like to mention a few of her accomplishments in the 49 years Hashem gave her. It is not for us to be able to complete such a list, but perhaps we can draw some comfort in recalling a bit of what we know. In her 49 years she spent the first half developing physically, emotionally, educationally, and with spiritual sensitivity. In the second half of her life she succeeded in doing many important things. She attracted a fine young man to marry her. But he was of a different faith, a faith she respected, but a different faith nonetheless. She knew she wanted to merge her future with Jay's, and although there were certainly higher levels of observance than what Jay was then keeping, Vicki took on not only Jay, but his faith and faith community as well. Within this context she rose to the call of Judaism, but that was not all. She pulled Jay up with her. By infusing her life with Torah she brought it into Jay's life as well. Through Vicki's "gerut" (Hebrew for conversion) they entered the Orthodox community of Nashville with renewed fervor, and became close with Rabbi Posner and the community at large. It was this fervor that must have brought Vicki to the conclusion that the right place for a Jewish person and family is in Israel. Together with Jay she made the great statement and action of aliyah, the merging of the Jewish people with the land G-d gave them. Vicki bore three children, Michal, Natan, and Gabby, each of whom she deeply loved, each of whom she was proud, each of whom she was deeply involved with and concerned for in the most positive way. She raised them together with Jay for as long as G-d gave her life and health. Falling in love, becoming Jewish, getting married,committing to Judaism, moving to Israel, raising three children. A good life, an accomplished life, a life her family is proud of. May her memory be blessed. Close
Sandra Woolf - the sister/ Bob Woolf (Friend)Read >>
Sandra Woolf - the sister/ Bob Woolf (Friend)
On December 18th 2004, my mother left this world at the age of 88. It was a long life having been married 67 years to my Dad who just passed away 2 years ago to the week. Earlier this past year, my wife, Barbara, lost her mother, also 88 years of age. They were both tremendous influences on our lives but, their departure was appropriate at the time.
Nine years ago, my dear wife Sandra left us at the age of 52. She left 4 children, a tribute to our 26 years of marriage. She, too, lost the battle to cancer after 5 years of fighting in every way we knew. She left us too soon!
Now, our dear Vikki has joined Sandra. Sisters in battle. Their relationship was personal and deep. I cannot recount the hours they spent together at one home or the other sharing with each other, laughing with each other, learning from each other. Vikki seemed to look at Sandra as a big sister and constantly asked her to teach her how to cook or bake one Jewish food after the other. Vikki wanted so much to be a Jewish balabusta. They were like loving sisters.
When Sandra was challenged with cancer, Vikki was one who came to the house, took her for treatments, helped her as best she could to fight this savage disease. She was her friend. When Vikki and Jay moved to Israel it was a tremendous blow to Sandra. One of her strongest allies had left her. And yet, she celebrated with Vikki. She was thrilled for her. The anticipation, fear and excitement of the unknown in Israel may have been present, but Vikki, in her enviable way seemed to just say, "so? Bring it on." Always with a smile on the face.
I'm certain that Vikki showed in these past years the same strength of being, strength of character, confidence and class that she did when she lived in Nashville. After all, Vikki was Vikki. In your face without powder puff. Tell it as it is. Honesty. "bring it on!"
When I spoke to Jay the next day, I said "I KNOW what you are going through" and he knew that I knew. We are now united by love and loss. As tough as it is to travel these past years as the person inflicted, I know through experience that is tougher to travel that road with your loved one, as the caretaker. There is no way of describing the helplessness of watching the one you love slowly slip from your life. I salute you, Jay. And for your children, only one who has lost a parent at such a young age can understand the pain, fear, anger, love and longing for that parent. I can't relate to that. I was blessed with parents that left me well into their 80s. Not so with Sandra and not so with Vikki. Regardless of the rationalizations given us by those who wish to say the right thing, I don't buy it. Sandra and Vikki were taken too soon!
Having said that, the choice was not ours. It is what it is and we need to go on as best we can. The emptiness that we feel, Jay, will always be there. As time goes by, we hopefully realize that Vikki's wish, as it was with Sandra, was for us to go on with our lives.
So, I look at my children and see Sandra - her characteristics, her generosity, her kindness, her sensitivity, her love and Sandra remains alive to me. I will always keep Vikki in my mind and heart the same way. As you look at your children, I know you will only burst with pride - schep nachus - at their achievements and know that you are seeing Vikki in them. Know that they honor her memory by their behavior, by their achievements, by their respect for others as my children have done for me. Vikki is alive in them.
Bless you all and bless our dear Vikki. May Hashem keep a place for her close to those she loved and close to her "sister", Sandra.
Love,
Bob Close
My memories of a dear friend/ Susan Stark (friend)Read >>
My memories of a dear friend/ Susan Stark (friend)
I first moved to Nashville in 1984. Not knowing anyone, and certainly no one Jewish, I joined ORT, West End Synagogue and several other Jewish organizations in hopes of making friends, along with doing tzedakah. Though I was welcomed into these other groups, no welcomed me, taught me or befriended me like Vikki and ORT. She was so full of energy, and had such devotion to both Judaism and ORT. Vikki worked tiressly and endlessly with determination, imagination and creativity. She was a wonderful, inspiring leader, and a willing helper to others. She was hysterically funny and a lot of fun. She had strong convictions and integrity, and never backed down from promotiong or defending those principles. She spoke lovingly of her husband, of whom she was very proud. She adored her children, and was a wonderful mother. Though it's been years since I've had the pleasure to be with Vikki, I am proud to call Vikki my friend, and will miss her always. May I please extend my deepest condolences to Jay, their beautiful children, and her loving parents. Vikki was very special, and my prayers and thoughts are with you all. May your memories of her, and the lessons she taught, help you to remember her with a smile. With sincere sympathy, Susan Stark Close
Memories so special / Tricia &. Dwight Davidson (Friends)Read >>
Memories so special / Tricia &. Dwight Davidson (Friends)
We received your e-mail after an extensive time of computer/internet problems. We were so surprised to receive the news of Vicki’s passing. We are so sorry and wanted to offer our condolences. Email is such a poor way to express emotion but with the time and distance we decided to begin here. There is obviously no good time or way for someone whom you care about to die, and we only hope our words can offer some comfort.We can only think back to when both of Dwight’s parents died and how we took comfort in those sincere words from people who knew and loved them. It is times like this that we feel the physical distance that separates us from you and your family. It would be so much better if we could convey our condolences in person. But at the very least we want you to know that we care. We have spent the past few days attempting to compose our feelings.All that kept leaping through our brains were the fun and special times we shared, from the holidays to our summer vacations.Other fond memories include late-night interior decorating, the smell of gefilte fish and brisket cooking at 2 a.m., and horseradish on the ceiling and floor on Sukkot. The sound of Vicki’s laughter still rings in our ears.We are so sorry. We don't know what to say, but know that even when we let our own petty problems dominate our thoughts and time, we never for even a second stopped loving all of you.May G-d grant you peace and the joy of memories of a truly blessed soul.
email to jay / Randy York (friend)
> Dear Jay; > > > > I'm reading this at 12:30 a.m. I can't download the memorial because my > > computer is not set up for Hebrew. My heart is breaking for you and your > > family. It seems like it was only yesterday that Judy and I were at your > > wedding. I am so sorry. I wish I had known Vicki better. I know that > > she was a strong woman to endure everything that she endured. You should > be > > proud of her. Jay, I will be praying for you and your family, and of > course > > Vicki. Needless to say, if there is anything I can do for you, please do > > not hesitate to call me. I know words often lose their meaning in times > > like this. I just want you to know that I'm there with you in spirit, > even > > though I can't be there in person. > > > > Your friend, > > Randy York Close
I am so very sorry about the death of your beautiful wife and Mother. Vikki was one of the bravest people I've ever known. When she found out about her cancer, she was determined to fight for her life and she did. Vikki chose not to feel sorry for herself but to live life to the fullest. She was an inspiration to everyone that knew her.
Vikki was my friend and I am grateful for the opportunity to know her. She was so sweet to keep in touch with me and make me part of her life. I will miss her immensely. We would sometimes exchange funny emails. When she was so sick I would try to send her emails that would make her laugh. One particular email was a cartoon that I sent to her not long ago. The next day I had a message from Vikki telling me how she had laughed so hard when she read it. She said that she had sent it on to some of her friends. It was so good to know that I had made her laugh when she was feeling so bad.
May God keep his arms around your family and hold you tight.
Our thoughts / Debbie And Peter Abelow (friends)Read >>
Our thoughts / Debbie And Peter Abelow (friends)
We will sorely miss Vikki's zest for life, her flair for creativity, and her willingness to share with others. She always radiated joy, warmth, friendliness and compassion for all who knew her. Her momory will always be with us.
Mrs./ Judith Hodge (Friend of her Aunt Barbara Layman, Louisville, TN)Read >>
Mrs./ Judith Hodge (Friend of her Aunt Barbara Layman, Louisville, TN)
My dear friend and "lunch buddie", Barbara Layman, Vikki's aunt in Louisville, TN, always had so many sweet and loving things to say about her niece. We enjoyed hearing about Vikki and her family and sharing in her experiences; hearing about her wedding, the move to another country, the birth of her children, and then to hear the sad news about her illness. My thoughts and prayers are with Vikki's husband and children as they grieve the loss of their precious wife and mother. Close
Tributes and Condolences
